15th May o9 - trust

I started to feel terribly miserable , confused with what i want and also confused with what i've saw . I don't know who to believe and what to believe. Talk about love, trust is one of the most important element to make the relationship long lasting and in other words, it will end if neither of them trust each other or maybe only one of them do.

I'm actually trying my best way out to look for the absolute solutions to reduce my curiosity to whatever happens in the past and tried to look further to the future but i find myself clicking at the wrong link to see things i ain't suppose to see and somewhow, it does turn my mood down. WTH .. !

Things tend to happens in many ways but consequences only comes in both ways either positive or negative. Shall we just look at the positive one and ignore the negative one ? I'm very optimistic in actual but i do see things in both way but sometimes , i think i'm not as optimistic as me myself think i am ! OMFG .. am i ? i even started to feel that i'm forgetting what's my personality and how i used to think ... I want myself back desperately . I hope i will be less doubtful and always remember " Don't worry , Be happy " .

biibuu ♥

b-i-a-t-c-h

grrrrrrr . made a wrong decision to meet baby's ex but not regret as i got to see how she looks like . I wonder how he could resist her . Well... maybe because she's bitchy enough that's why guys LOVE but to me, i feel disgusted
* pukes *

She was a super duper mother-fcking bitchy bitch with a freaking itchy CB which needs to be fck desperately. Never know how to describe my hatred on her ... just too much, uncountable and baby, if you ever contact or talk to her, I'll NEVER talk to YOU - i really MEAN it and I SWEAR !!!!!

biibuu ♥

14th Apr o9 - editted

LOL . Aren't we cuteeeeeeee ? Still remember i was pretty tired then but still insist to study study study . heh ~

biibuu ♥

18th Apr o9 - Mood-less shopping day

Baby gets moody again. Reasons : NO DOUBT. That's me. Chatted with baby before leaving to KL to shop with mummy today. We're kinda happy while chatting at first until we bring up issues on F. I actually thought it was over but i never knew, he still keep it in mind and baby gets moody again, not replying my msn. Felt so torn up because he still don't believe me and i feel so helpless. I guess he need sometime to consider on how trustworthy i am to him before we move on. I don't need to know the answer but the answer is for him to make decision on what to do for the sake of both of us. I really don't like the feeling of being unhappy and .. of course blubbering.

He sms-ed and called but i'm not alert with the incoming calls and messages as i can't feel the vibration and also ringtone so end up not answering calls and replying messages until i took my hp out to call mum. Reading those messages don't make me feel good but i tried not to drop my tears out in the public but i can't help, luckily, no one saw it.

Baby .. thank you for the love but if you really mean it, i just hope ... you do believe me.

biibuu ♥

Final Week .

First Day - 13th Apr o9
Had my very first final paper today - CSC .Phewww~ a damn fcking tough paper EVER... ! (no lahh.. it's just that i don't pay attention in class ;p . Blame the lousy lecturer as well ... !!)



Last min studying ;p


YienPeh .. going ..


YienPeh .. gone .. LOL ..


As i girl, i shall sit in a proper manner but i'm too tired so come out with many " patterns" already lahhh .. ! ;p

After that paper, i should have rest but i insist to study till tomorrow morning as i've my second final tomorrow at 8am. Since there's no more


We're about to begin our revision ...


In the mid of revision , snapped to prove that i really do my revision , kayyyy


ma sweet baby . acc me for nights ;0

Second Day - 14th Apr o9

I should have rest right after exam but for no reason, i can't get my eyes close for nap after class. Pity me and end up heading to library to study ..


Weeeeeeee . candies make you stay awake !


oppsie . caught snakliee in action ;p

Third Day - 15th Apr o9
After 3 days of studying, i decide to snakieee for tonight as i've no paper tomorrow and so in the evening .. i cooked seaweed soup , shared by baby and Ric plus Nicole ( special delivery ) . I guess all of use had not sip any of our homemade soup for weeks ...




Last Day of revision - 16th Apr o9
Weeeeeeeee . Will be sitting for my last paper tomorrow. Pretty excited and confident since I've pay lotsa attention when i'm in class . heh


Camwhored with baby in the library

Thankieee baby and also credits to Boey, Johnson and Yien Peh for studying with meeeee. LOVE YOU GUYS lot ;*

biibuu ♥

10th April o9 - study study .

Since finals is just around the corner, i studied really hard this few days. No lappie to distract me ( except baby's ) and i really spend most of my time studying in the library from noon until it closes at 11pm. I was pretty surprise with my rajin-ness as i hardly do this previously except for studying at home alone until dawn.


Captured by baby. Writing my last sentence of answers before leaving for dinner ;)



Our second round at the upper level of baby where baby suddenly think of camwhoring =.=" .

Okays . ending this and leaving for lunch with Nicole ;)

biibuu ♥

7th April o9 - silent war

Baby acted as he was ok before he left home but as he left and text me minutes after, I knew he've read something, either between me and N or F's and he's mad with it. Well, since he said he'll not be coming over tonight, I shall not force him to do so. I knew he needs time to calm down and digest.

I thought of returning back his lappie by asking Nicole to pass it back to him but he came around 3something to get it back. Fineee, he left staring at me with an anger look. I thought i'll cry but somehow I'm strong enough and i didn't ;) .

I off my handphone right after. He turns my mood down and i think i did too. arghhhh. I'm not going to think so much. Just go to class and head to library right after for some of my revisions. Called mummy before i turn my hp off again so that she'll not get worried. As i turn on my hp, there's no calls nor messages from him yet. I knew he's really mad but no .. i can't call him .

Studied .. studied .. studied and time passes rapidly. My stomach is feeling slightly upset but I've no appetite at all. In the end, i still need to look for Johnson and Yien Peh for help in account as there is a test tomorrow. Geeeeeeeeee . if i know the test was at 4 in the noon , i shall go back home !! Miss mummy :( . As i turn on my hp again, tons of miscalls from Nicole, baby, Johnson, babe, Alex and some anonymous number.I knew everyone is worried but somehow, sorry guys, I'm still not in the mood of contacting anyone. All i think was revision for tomorrow's test.

As soon as i finish my revision, I on back my hp finally. Went to makan with them and Nicole and called Alex. In the mid of our conversation, baby called. Nicole told me he was quite eager looking for me. He wanted to talk but frankly, I'm not in the mood. I scared we'll end up quarreling and ........... bye bye .

Met him at bistro, he looks furious .. very furious but i need to stay calm, shall not be afraid, shall not cry. Right after my meal, we went back for a talk. It was F and what I'm mad of is he said he'll not mind my past but now ? If baby, you do keep all this things in mind, it'll hurt you and it's so meaningless for us to further our relationship with this but the conclusion end up we didn't break but cry like hell ... ! Big girls don't cry but you made me. Even after things is settled, he still wanna talk bout it and it brings my tears down again. Shit you baby. Bully me more and I'll hate you ;p .

After today, i feel baby do .... love me alot. I really don't wana predict our future, I hope all this will be long lasting.9 months, we'll go more than that and even longer. Thankieee baby for the love. I HEART YOU TOO ... so so so muchhh <33 !!

biibuu ♥

5th April o9 - cornflake failure

I was kind of desperate of eating cornflakes cookie actually and i remember kai ma said it's quite easy to make one without flour but just add honey with cornflakes so i tried it with adding a lil raisins and here is my outcome ...


tadaaaa .. nice ?

But frankly, i only ate one because it does not taste like what i wanted it to be so i think my mission is not accomplished but ....



they look enjoying huhhh...? heh ~ i dunno what they think of it actually but i knew they help me to finish the whole plate ;P

After finishing that and drying up my laundry, we're out for SUPPER ....



<3


biibuu ♥

I was tagged so i did this ;)

DIRECTION: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you.

1. First of all, I'm doing this to grant Boey's wish as she said she wanna know more bout me but in fact there's nothing much bout me as i used to reveal myself always so there are no hidden secrets in me .

2. I'm sick while I'm doing this ... so sick .

3. I'm taken at this very moment and i find it kinda annoying sometimes but somehow my annoying baby is too important for me i love him for being annoying ;p .

4. My finals is just around the corner but i'm still wasting my time doing this.

5. I love to facebook ;)

6. I used to login facebook every monday because i'm too obesesed with my fave application " Pet Society ". It has new stuffs in the stores every Monday and i can shop for my cutie biibuu.

7. I'm craving for murtabak, curry chicken, mcd's nugget , bistro's ayam goreng and mee goreng ayam but i'm sick so i can't have it :(

8. One fact that will never change .. I heart shopping .. ! No shopping no life ;)

9. The most important person in my life is mummy . Love her more than everyone else although we do argue over small matter.

10. I am a lazy blogger so i used to update every few weeks whenever i'm in the mood.

11. I hope mummy will never break her promise to bring me to Taiwan on this Nov .

12. I love Durians but that was before and i freaking hate it after i was trapped in a car without air-conditioner and i remember i asked my uncle to stop in the mid of the journey for me to throw out and I've never touch it ever since.

13. I love gingers either on it's on dessert or a main dish especially chicken rice.

14. I feel tired of sweeping my floor everyday but i can see dust and hair everyday that make me can't stand but sweep it .

15. My baby is seducing me with his tauhua now but I'll not take it. ( I'm not sure if i'll eat it after doing this ;p )

16. Fuhhhh .. i thought it was easy to list down 16 stuffs in a blog but it's not as easy as what i think and I'm finally done ... !

biibuu ♥

my annoying baby .

i actually wanted to post this up for quite some time but usually i can't make it because it's either i forgot to login blogspot or i forgot to bring my pendrive which contains this pic .

This is done by my precious baby .



Frankly, i don't know whether i shall feel happy or upset with this but somehow it's kinda sweet for him to this because i found this once i woke up early in the morning and on my lappie . See how annoying my babyboy is ;P

biibuu ♥

25th Mar o9 - 1ヶ月

Days are passing really fast and in a few blinks, baby and i has been together for a month. Frankly, I've been feeling ups and downs for this whole month but biasalahhh.. i knew baby did too ;p . I'm kinda annoying but my baby as well too but too bad we love it.

I don't really dare to predict how far can we go in the future but at this very moment, there's no acceptable reason for me to leave him except for my silly thinkings for the past few days. Well, has been really sad thinking about it but after talking to the girlfriends, they think my perceptions are sort of lebih.

I didn't mean to think so but for time-being, I'm afraid of hurting him and also myself as well that's why i tried to figure out what's the best solution i can do but i think I'm the one who think too much cause there're actually nothing's wrong with us so why not being happy like the happy days we used to have ?

Baby, Happy one month anniversary .... !!
Lxxx ya lots . xoxo .. !!

biibuu ♥

1st Mar o9 - heartbroken

Went to pavillion to shop with mummy today after helping ayi in her shop. First time in my life, i feel so eager to finish all my shopping and leave. I guess it was all because i'm too eager to see him ;P and thankfully,we finished shop and dinner at around 7 something and we left after that. At that time,the rain just stops and i sms-ed baby telling him that i'm leaving back to inti. I'm missing him too much, man hoping to see him at this very moment.

Baby told me that it's raining heavily in Nilai and he hopes the rain stops faster so he could come and look for me but too bad it rain all night. I met him awhile at the bakery but just only awhile and accompanied Nicole for supper after that. Baby didn't followed cause he's watching football and i misunderstand him that he wanted to go for football compared to me. oh my ... :( and baby actually thought i'll accompany him to watch football. noooooooooooo , how could i miss that. i guess i've make a mistake and make baby upset and i don't feel so good right now :'( . I really wanted to see him so so so badly but he don't reply my sms and msn as well. If he don't then maybe because he don't wanna talk to me for this while only,we'll be ok soon. Lxxx you baby !

biibuu ♥

28th Feb o9 - missing so badly

my first week without him during weekends since i'm taken and it was just two days before and i've started to think of him every single hour , minute and second. SHITTT ... !! Baby, i'm missing you damn much .. !! lxxx you ;P .

biibuu ♥

26th Feb o9 - First kiss

Went for dinner with him,Nicole and Mel after class today. Happy to see him ;) ( for of course...!) I suppose to do assignments with Jason and Johnson but it's raining heavily and i can't walk to the Halls of Residence so i just walk back and he accompany me. He stayed as the rain don't stops.

Since he had nothing to do, so he flips over the magazines in my room and we chatted until i passed out( too sleepy due to the weather ;P ) and woke up awhile later. Rain doesnt stop that makes him stay even longer and we spend even more time together.

We confessed everything the whole night,saying our dos and don'ts,hates and loves and also his exs... he admitted he's kinda playful that's why he try to take things slowly, step by step so we could lengthen our relationship period ( i'm not sure if this is what he meant ) but okays , i hope so. I think there's been quite a long time since i'm really " in a relationship " . Hopefully , this time it works.

biibuu ♥

25th Feb o9 - O night .

Went to Orientation with Nicole , Mel and also him. Although it's not a prom night but some girls do wear as if they're going to Prom . omg and i'm just with tee and shorts but i guess it's ok lahhh since it's not an official event.

Left in the halfway of the O night because the girls find it boring and went to bakery for dinner left him behind with his friends at MPH but i'm not interested with the food there so went back to Desa Palma and i saw 66 so just went for my fav meatballs and head back home.

But somehow my tummy is quite upset and it started to gastric again, pity me :( . He came with a packet of milk since i said i don't wanna makan. awwwwwwww . how sweet ... and our story begins here. i was still in pain , real pain :'( so after drinking the milk he bought, i headed straight to bed.

biibuu ♥

24th Feb o9 - first supper

Accompanied Nicole to study in bakery due to some reasons. Frankly,i really enjoyed spending time at the bakery cause they've tv and also some sofa that usually make me feel sleepy .

I didn't tell him that I was there, wishing to bump into him but i told him right after he texted me. He did walk pass bakery to check me out but i can't see him and he can't see me as well. Well, i guess it's because of the guys has blocked me. Erghhhh . talk bout the guys, there's a guy who make me felt so pissed off. He put his food on the counter and walked away to look for drinks so when i queued up,i suppose to be in front of him but he just come and stand in front of me as if i purposely overtake his place. Could you please say " EXCUSE ME " but not like a train that can't brakes and ramp over? You're sooooooooooooooo not gentleman. duhhhhhh .I'm fine with it anyway.

Met him finally. He came to buy drinks with his friends and left in awhile but i asked him out for yc and he followed . He helped me to carry my stuffs and walked over bistro and after that he walked me home (plus a lil free service, massaging . I guess I'm feeling overexcited but as he leaves,i felt a lil reluctant cause i hope he'll stay a lil longer but it's okay, we'll be meeting tomorrow anyway

biibuu ♥

23rd Feb o9 - Confessed

He actually said something (or should i said he ... confessed) and out of sudden, i gone blank. Shall i say this is what i've expected to happen but never expected it happen to be so soon? I'm not sure what to answer but my heart was telling me i shall say yes but my mind was doubtful. Oh, c'mon, what am i doubting? I guess it's because of things were going too fast and i nearly forgot that we've known each other for not even a month.

Somehow, i knew the feel was alright overall when i started to miss him,hoping to bump into him around the campus but i guess it'll hardly happen because our class used to be in different time and also i've no idea where his class is held daily.

Well, let's see what will happen tomorrow ...

biibuu ♥

15th Feb o9 - weird biibuu

somehow , i started to recall what he said to me. I'm not sure what is this feeling called but i stored his sms, not taking any intentions to delete them from my cell. Does this means that something reacts again ? Oh noooooo .. biibuu , do you think you'll have a go with him ? Well , i'm curious. I asked myself if this is what i want, my heart tends to say YES ... ! shit !

oh my my .. what should i do? Things were going too fast and we're getting a bit closer ( i think ... ) I should slow down and give it a short pause to understand better, shouldn't I ?

nahhhh. heading to bed, too lazy to be doubtful.

biibuu ♥

14th Feb o9 - Valentine's day

People might be asking ... why am I staying at home facing the pc , online , msn-ing and fb-ing on valentine's day ... ? The answer is simple , because I'm not going out for any dates . Easy , huh ... ? I'm not those HOT and PRETTY famous chicks around town or college , so people don't date me . LOL .

I actually declined two dates just because I need to spare all my 214 for my precious girlfriend and who knows this woman dumped me because her prince came all the way back from Penang to celebrate with her . Biasalahhh , girls are always like that but I don't know why ... I guess I'm too over , over virtuous ( or should I say I'm actually stupid ? ) for doing stuffs like bringing my girlfriends for a date and it might ruin my date . What if he would like to talk to me personally but just because of the present of my girlfriend might keep him in the mute mode . fineeee .. I guess i don't wanna be so dumb anymore . I should learn to be more selfish . Since people can do so without feeling guilty so why can't I be more narcissistic ? i guess it's more beneficial to me , myself and I .

Somehow , some people are born to be like that . I didn't mean that I'm a very decent person but at least , I knew I'm better than some people out there for not being too self - centered because I assure people will hate you if you are one of them !

Sounds like I'm promoting myself in this bloggie ( LOL..!! ) but I think it's okay since not many people will be reading this ;P

biibuu ♥

A story from a husband .

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the
car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I
went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a
civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at
the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.


Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was
the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words
suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said,
Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my
wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because
I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of
divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter
how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.
I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we
watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing
Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what
will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently
she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't
imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something
while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled
at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live
together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to
tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt
in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic
calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her
angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that
she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman
who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But
I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce
which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found
she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,
but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the
month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you
still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This
question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded
and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I
have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when
we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from
the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to
end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel
uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense
of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked
over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly,
Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove
to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long
time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on
her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where
she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about
this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was
picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have
grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was
thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I
knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense
of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part
of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your
arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life
lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any
delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no
fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can
only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we
didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her
into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until
I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife
which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.